For informational use. Okay, more for entertainment. Feel free to forward, but please give credit to the actual writer. Consider this a companion of sorts to Dillon’s Blog.
Q1. Why do zombies come back from the dead?
A. Voodoo. A powerful, chemical concoction is ingested by a living victim. When they die, their bodies reanimate. Under the power of the right witch doctor, the zombie is controllable and able to perform repetitive tasks with minimal suggestion. Sometimes this formula is put into aerosol form, often with disastrous effects (See: Trioxin).
Q2. Okay smart guy, then why do other people say it’s a virus?
A. It’s not a virus. Viruses need living tissue to survive and propagate. A zombie is a terrible vector for a neurological virus. Its brain is dead. In fact when you think about it, a virus is even less probable than magic.
Q3. Alright so what about bacteria or fungi?
A. There are examples in nature of bacteria and fungi rendering victims into “zombies,” but those victims did not die first before achieving their dronelike state. Human zombies must die first before transforming.
Q4. So how does a voodoo curse get spread from one victim to another?
A. Because the zombie formula has been spread through the air or ingested another way by the greater population. The living are not affected by the potion until they die. Zombie bites can be lethal due to contamination and severity of the wound.
Q5. Why do zombies want brains and human flesh?
A. To ease the pain of decomposition, which is ongoing and quite horrid.
Q6. How long does a zombie typically “live?”
A. A zombie can last anywhere from two weeks to a few months, depending on the temperature, climate, environment and condition the corpse was in prior to reanimation.
Q7. How long do the zombies which are walking around trying to chomp on people last, usually?
A. Roaming zombies have a “life” span of about two-four weeks. This is due to being exposed to open air, which causes the fastest rate of decay. In a warm, humid environment (Ex. the tropics, the Southern United States), decay is rapid, as fly larvae are able to munch on the zombie quickly, causing its insides to liquify and the body to fall apart. In cold climates (Ex. the Northern Midwest, Canada) decay is slower, where the zombie can freeze and last longer.
Q8. If a zombie can fall to pieces in a few weeks, why do infestations drag on for several months, even years?
A. Variables such as temperature, weather, and conditions of the zombies’ bodies can lengthen or shorten an infestation. If there is a large population that is turned, then there will be a large volume of zombies. If that volume is in a colder area, the zombies decay slower and last longer. This means they have time to make more zombies in the process.
Q9. Why does shooting the head or decapitation work the best on zombies?
A. The voodoo potion affects the brain most directly, because that is what is needed to understand and obey the commands of voodoo magicians.
Q10. Why do zombies move so slowly?
A. Rigor mortis and decomposition make muscles rigid, and there is no cell replacement to repair damaged tissue. Gradually limbs will break and fall off, rendering a zombie less mobile over time.
Q11. Is being bitten the greatest danger posed by zombies?
A. Strangely, no. Bites can be avoided by deflecting the zombie and wearing protective clothing. Remember the zombie itself isn’t very strong, except in great numbers. It’s the numerous bacteria, insects, parasites and vermin ridden throughout the zombie, and the diseases which follow them, that are the most hazardous. A walking zombie is basically a walking biological weapon.
Q12. How strong is a zombie?
A. Very weak due to its condition. Its power lies in numbers and our fear.
Q13. Can a zombie be trained to do the bidding of the living?
A. A voodoo magician can, if properly trained in the dark arts, but most laypeople cannot. Some individuals have had minor success through feeding a zombie, attempting to keep it docile while giving it repetitious instructions.
Q14. Do zombies have any memories of their past lives?
A. No. They do sometimes mimic actions performed by the living, but they display no awareness of what they are doing or why.
Q15. What do I do if zombies show up in my area?
A.
1) Do not go to a big city or crowded, urban area.
2) Do go somewhere rural and isolated.
3) Do not attempt to use a firearm if you are not trained.
4) Do learn how to safely use a firearm, preferably a rifle first before a handgun.
5) Do stock up on food and water.
6) Do hole up in a defensible area.
7) Do use a short wave radio to monitor for information.
8) Do not loot, but if you must loot, do take only necessities like food, water, fuel and clothing.
9) Do engage in a rigorous exercise regimen (Rule 1: Cardio, remember?)
10) Wait – nature will do most of the zombie killing work for you, causing all the zombies to gradually skeletonize or mummify.
